Tom Hanks and his love for Wilson

Remember that movie where Tom Hanks gets stranded on an island with a ball named Wilson? He really loved that ball and in some deleted scenes I am pretty sure their relationship was not totally platonic.  I ate a jelly sandwich when I saw it because:
A. His highlights were amazing
B. He had an awesome golden tan
C. He was obviously getting the exfoliation of his life with all that sand
D. He drank coconut water which although I think tastes disgusting seems to be all the rage in Hollywood so lets face it, homeboy started a trend. And look how much weight he lost!
E. When he finally had to leave the amazing spa vacation he came back to Helen Hunt and found that she had moved on. Dodged that bullet because she always seemed like a bitch to me. (I know its a movie but still!)

This is an amazing mascara by Too Faced called Lashgasm. It is so fabulous that even my 8 year old said that my lashes looked like a spider which was exactly what I wanted. It takes your old stubby lashes and makes them long and glossy much like a strip of fake lashes. It was so good that I even skipped the liner. Who needs it when your lashes arrive 3 seconds before the rest of you? I am pretty sure I have found my own personal Wilson. If I was ever stranded on an island this would be number two product. I mean get real, my number one would obviously be something with SPF 1000. I may long to look tan but it isn't going to happen with this Irish girl. You can find this lovely product at Ulta, Sephora and amazon.com. 

Fellini is on line one

That's right people. Fellini's "La Dolce Vita" may be one of the best films ever.  He was a genius. Yeah him. Woo hoo. Party up. But lets really get down to business shall we? There is a new Dolce Vita in town and we need to give it the kudos that it deserves.

 NAR's Dolce Vita lip gloss (just writing the words is putting tears in my eyes) is hands down the best gloss I have ever tried. It has the perfect consistency, not sticky and has no smell. I had tried NAR's Bad Education gloss about a year ago and it definitely did not rock my word. Mostly because the smell made me sick but also the color turned weird on me. BUT, this gloss is the wind beneath my wings. It adds just a touch of rosy color and has enough shine to make you feel glam. It is perfect for day but with a smoky eye it would transition to night quite easily. Check it out. Its available at Neiman's, Sephora, Barney's, Nordstroms and Saks. You can also find at narscosmetics.com

Once again my crazy obsession has led me off the track, I am blaming it on Kyle from Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

So this major bomb I am placing on a two party recommendation. First, I was reading an article in a fashion magazine (it could be ELLE, Bazaar or Allure but I know for a fact that they would never run that trash in Vogue) and it happened to be about some of the women from the Real Housewives reality series. They interviewed Kyle and she said something like " Smashbox in HD is what I use for EVERYTHING! It goes from day to night and always makes you look like you fab." Of course, count me in

The second I blame on my dealer and we all know her name. Just in case you don't, it's Jackie my bestie from Sephora. She sat me down matched me and sent me on my merry way with the sample loot. I was giddy to try it and see if I could look Beverly Hills good. I put it on for my very early morning shift and thought, that stuff is good. My skin is faboosh and I am actually glowing...(this was the start of my shift close to around 4:30 so I could have been a little bleary eyed.  Around 7 I did a quick glance and was not feeling the supermodel status that was there earlier so it was more of a meh.  I leave at 10 so I stopped off in the bathroom to check it out closer and I hated it! It pilled, the coverage was not even. I was a sad Baby Jane like clown. Some of it was pooling in my lines which rather than distracting them, they seemed to be proudly pointing out that those lines are not dimples. Not even really long dimples which I thought I had convinced a large of number of people back in my early 30's.
I am going to keep on looking......

Pucker Up for a Sucker Punch Girls!

Ok so a funny thing happened to me the other day. My dealer, Jackie (that's right beyotch I am calling you out on your real name, the name your mama gave you) happened to give me a tube of this amazing Lip Varnish by Buxom. Now I know that I am quite the Negative Nancy about anything affiliated with Bare Essentials (who apparently own this line) merely because everyone who LOVES Bare Essentials LOVES them so much it is straight up creepy kool-aid drinking kind of crazy.

Anyhow, being the basic makeup whore that I am, I gladly took the pencil before she had second thoughts and greedily put it in my bag.

Flash forward 3 hours, (did I mention the words makeup whore) I tried it on and guess what? Simply sublime. It goes on with a lovely coverage and the perfect amount of shine. It also has a tingle which is supposedly supposed to make your lips fuller but it just felt really nice. After wearing it for a couple of hours (ok, overnight I might have had a few) I woke up and went to IHOP and guess what? A beautiful stain was still on my lips. I am sold and love this stuff. I am registering to marry myself so look for my registry on Sephora so I can get every color. That's right. MYSELF. I am married but I only got the china for my Mom and whatever State dinner might happen at my house.

A Bliss on the hand may be quite continental, but diamonds are a girls best friend!

Oh Bliss! How I love your products so. You are my weakness and you had me at hello. You are like a lovely bottle of Johnny Walker Black, too much money for this little church mouse but sometimes you just got to go for it and pamper yourself. Sounding like a L'Oreal ad so lets move on. 

In this case it wasn't too much of a stretch because they are discontinuing their line of Bliss products at our little Sephora here in Lincoln, Nebraska.  The prices were so low I do believe I blacked out for a moment because when I came to I was sitting on the floor staring at all of the cheap loot. Prior to this I yelled out "WTF? 6 bucks for a bottle that is normally in the mid 30's!"  Anyhow, I bought Super Slough from Bliss I am feeling like I won a trifecta at the Blarney Stone in Reno. (not very high class but still like I am a bit of a champ or something). It smells simply divine and it really gets those back arm bumps (what in the hell are those anyway?). It also gives a great lather so you feel smooth and squeaky clean. I have denied access to it for everyone else in my abode since I need it to last. Mama ain't rich y'all! Try it, buy it and invite me over. When I use your bathroom and leave quickly rest assured that I probably smuggled a little out for myself. I mean really, isn't that what friends are for? 

Like Rachel Zoe is to MAC's Chili Lipstick

I one day want to be affiliated with a certain lip color.  But as we all know (some more than others) I am a makeup slut so that ain't happening anytime soon.  I just fall in love too easy and am addicted to trying new things. (get your head out of the gutter!!!)

About 4 months ago my lovely mother had a birthday and being the pushy broad that I am I bought her some makeup.  I had read good things about NAR's Gipsy lipstick and thought, what the heck, everyone needs to try something new.  I sent it to her and then immediately forgot about it. She was visiting a couple weeks ago and said "this is the lipstick you got me, what do you think?" It was beautiful! A very sheer berry color that can go from day to night.  Of course I ran out to get it for myself just to be sure my eyes weren't deceiving me. True enough, it looked nice on me too. I need to test it out on a few more people but I think it may be one of those magical colors that looks good on everyone.   Plus as of now this is my signature lipstick. Look out Rachel Zoe, I am on your tail. Your very skinny and tan tail. 

Clearly They Were Not Referring To My Boobs.......

when they named this product. Because if my boobs were being questioned as being fake they would obviously be bigger and not the fried eggs that I am sporting currently.  If the option were available I certainly wouldn't go overboard. Maybe like a full "B" cup. Nothing crazy, just a little something something if you know what I mean.

Ok, I digress.  I have always been a big advocate of buying drugstore mascara as I thought they were on par with the major lines such as Lancome and Dior.  Recently I had to replenish some stock and received a sample of Benefit Cosmetics "They're Real" from Sephora.  I am in love!  This mascara has a brush that is totally amazeballs and it really grabs every little lash.  The mascara is smudge/budge proof which is helpful in the humidity. It is a thicker formula than I am used to but it really makes your lashes fat and full but calorie free.  It retails for 22.00 and is available at Sephora and at benefitcosmetics.com. 

Black Eyed Susan Your Ship has Sailed

Oh eyeliner! How I love you so. You have been there through so many times in my life where I could just pretend that I was going for the smoky look when in fact I was so hungover that I passed out without washing my face.  Unfortunately we have come to the portion of life where that no longer looks edgy, rather it is kind of a Tammy Fay Baker. Sad, sad clown. Definitely in need of a sophisticated liner and some Intervention. 

Anyhow, I was in mad search of an excellent eyeliner that would stay in place because of my excessive use of under eye cream (yes, I do believe that I can fight the good fight) and ease in crying about pretty much anything. Show of hands of people that have seen me cry? Ok, you can put them down now.  I consulted my dealer (my dear friend Jackie who works at Sephora) and took her advice.  I believe that I have found the Holy Grail of eyeliners. It is Urban Decay 24/7 Eyeliner which runs about 18 bucks a pop. You can buy it at Sephora, numerous places online or in several department stores.  Jeepers creepers, my peepers stayed lined through the entire day without a budge.  In fact, I laughed so hard that I cried and it still hung in there. I bought the basic black but I do believe I may have to go out and try some other colors. 

Like sand through the hourglass, so is the scrub of your life

I recently had a humongous bout of depression when I realized that I could not afford the Clarisonic Pro super duper scrubber that Sephora keeps cruelly promoting in a way that makes me want to go all Patty Hearst on their ass and get me some cash so that I too can partake in the marvy scrub of my life. I mean really, the price has dropped a bit but last I looked it was about 160ish.  I did what any down and out poor person addicted to makeup does in these situations, I headed to Target. At first I thought I would go with the Oil of Olay knock off scrubber for 29.99 but then I noticed the Booth section and thought, what do I have to lose? 

 I have been intrigued by the Boots line for a while (my sister raved about the eyeliner which I tried, not so hot in my book) but  I thought I would throw caution to the wind and use up the 16.00 dollars I had in checking account to try out their No 7 Micro Dermabrasion Exfoliator for a mere 14.99. Let me tell you something, this is some awesome stuff. A little dime size is all you need to get the effects of this product. The scrubbers remind me of the super fine sand you find on the nicer beaches.  I scrubbed a dub dub and the results were outstanding. My skin was super soft and it definitely gave me a glow.  It made me feel super clean and there was no tacky residue.  Check it out if you need a fresh start and are wanting a good deal. Or feeling depressed, I am telling you it is better than Zoloft.

A Wink And A Smile

A few years ago (actually more than I care to remember) I was living in San Francisco and answered an ad to work in cosmetics.  I was intrigued because I had never worked in that field and I thought, why the heck not? Well I got "the call" from Benefit Cosmetics, a SF based makeup company, and went to a little office off of Pine St.  I was totally unqualified since I had never sold makeup before but they were about the coolest people I have met. The vibe was very laid back and fun. I didn't get the job (one of the saddest days of my life) but I immediately beelined to Macy's to check out their stuff. I tried "Dr Feelgood" first and like a heroin addict, I have been chasing the dragon ever since.

If you are looking for an eyeshadow that sticks with you like carbs on my thighs, this is the one for you. Benefit Creaseless Cream/Shadow Liner is the best cream shadow available. You can use it on its own or as a primer under your favorite shadow. They have 11 colors but for everyday I have been using r.s.v.p. which is a sparkling champagne color.  It is 19.00 a pop but it will last you a very long time so it is worth the splurge.  You can find the line at Sephora, Macy's and they have some free standing stores mostly on East and West Coasts.  

You won a year supply of Turtle Wax!

Remember game shows when you were a kid and the person would win a year supply of turtle wax? Well one can of turtle wax will last you for a year so I guess that wasn't as good as whatever was behind door number 2. At the time I really thought they could open a car wash at their house and give all the neighbors a good wax.

The other day I was having a very non productive shopping day at the mall, meaning I tried on some jeans and for some reason my size was too tight so they are clearly having some production problems because that is simply not possible, and in the midst of my dismay headed over to Bath and Body. I usually only go into that store for the tin of Rose Lip Balm but thought I might as well check it out since the size is always right.  After dodging the obviously medicated sales associate (they had one stationed at the front which is always a big turn off for me and she clearly took two doses of her happy pills) I headed to the back to check out the serious goods. A few years ago they were carrying Henri Bendel candles and I keep hoping it will happen again, but it is merely a pipe dream.  

In the very back corner of Bath and Body they have a line of products from Dr Patricia Wexler. She is one of those dermatologists that you see on various Oprah type shows. They had a deal that if you spend 35 bucks on one of her products you can get this jar of fancy pink stuff for a lowered price. It normally runs 150, so of course I just had to have it. The full name is this: 

Patricia Wexler M.D. Dermatology MMPi.20™ Skin Regenerating Serum 3.4 oz.  

I cannot say enough about this stuff. It melts right into your skin, feels really lovely on and I believe my skin looks dewy.  It really works well with your moisturizer as it doesn't feel like you have too much on your face and there is no caking or flaking.  It is a big jar so it should  last a long time. It is a definite must have. 

It's Always Sunny in Lincoln Nebraska

I have a job that requires me to wake up at 3:45 in the morning. Now I know that people assume because of my lovely disposition that I wake up like a Disney Princess with little woodland animals helping me make my bed and get dressed. This is a very easy misconception to have but it is not the truth.  In reality, when I wake up the only thing that is Hollywood about me is the stunning resemblance to Nick Nolte's mug shot. Yes, the one with the beer stained shirt and stringy hair all eschew.

To take the edge off the shock of my early morning viewing I love to have things around me that are unique and fun.  I stumbled across this delightful set of brushes from Sonia Kashuk's line at Target. Her brushes are a nice price (this set is 14.99), work very well and stand the test of being cleaned often without falling apart. (I have had a blush brush of hers from the Clinton Administration that is still in great shape). Her line of cosmetic brushes are one of the best kept secrets in cosmetics because they rival several of the big department store lines at around 1/3 the price. What I love most about this particular set of brushes is that they look like blue and white china, kind of antique yet whimsical. And of course they add a certain elegance to your morning routine. Beautiful!

The Higher The Hair The Closer to God

I am not going to sugar coat it, the sleek hair of the early 2000's were not fun for me. Every time I would get my hair done they would flat iron it and I would look like an escapee from a mental institution who was only allowed a cup of water to wash my hair for fear that I would drown in it. How I craved the big hair of the 80's! I really tried to resist letting my hair get super big so as to not look like someone who was stuck in a Bruce Springsteen song still loving high school. (which I didn't, high school was a perpetual bad hair day)

So now all bets are off and what a relief it is. I can let my big hair freak flag fly and it feels fabulous. (please ignore the fact that my hair is chin length)  For a little extra va-va-voom I have found this lovely bottle of serum which is sure to make your hair be thick and full. It is from Bumble and Bumble and is called (really) Thickening Serum.  A little of this everyday is what you need to give you a winning coif.  Be patient as it can take a few weeks to see the difference.  Next thing you know someone will be saying "love your hair, hope it wins." And we all want to be winning, duh.

I Love the Smell of Jerry Garcia in the Morning

Awww, patchouli. The smell truly brings me back to the days when I was supposed to be attending Dominican College and instead was following the Grateful Dead and selling peanut butter sandwiches for a dollar or whatever anyone would trade me.  Although I never made much money I did score free tickets, lots of crystals and the ability to not shave my arm pits for an entire year. Because of said arm pit hair and lack of running water I did what only a girl could do while sporting a tie dyed Guess dress, masked the odor with patchouli oil. The smell of patchouli is a very controversial subject along the same lines of whether or not Katie Holmes is now a robot and why doesn't Jennifer Lopez realize that Marc Anthony is really Skeletor and who really cares if Jennifer Aniston is a spinster because lets face it, she looks pretty darn happy to me and if I had that body I could care less about having a steady dude.

Anyway, I love the smell of patchouli and I have finally found a family friendly (meaning that I don't smell like a dead hippie to my hubby) scent in a luxurious cream.  It is available at Target and made by Boots. It is Patchouli and Lavender and it leaves just enough scent on your skin that you can enjoy the free loving smell without overpowering those around you with your earthiness.  The best part is that it is under 10 bucks and you really feel pampered after using it. It smells delicious and it is very thick so perfect for the cold winter months when your skin needs some extra love. Like love that only a Sugar Magnolia from Uncle John's Band would dig!

A funny thing happened on my way to buy drugs...

It was that time of the month again. Yes, time to go on a big drug binge. We have pills for our nerdy side (allergies), pills for our old man side (cholesterol) and some pills to make Mommy happy (no comment). While waiting for my numerous refills to process I took a gander at the Walgreens supply of cosmetics. (really, what was I supposed to do? Look at lawn ornaments?) 

Somewhere between Physicians Formula and Rimmel of London a light bulb went off.  In the most recent issue of Vogue I had admired a models lipstick and found that it was a Revlon Lipstain and LipBalm called Gothic. Could it  look that good in real life without airbrushing and a professional applying it?  I decided to roll the dice and try it out. (this happened as soon as I hit the parking lot because I just had to know) Alas, I was not disappointed. It is a pure, light and clean looking red lipstain that truly stays put.  You have to apply it expertly as it dries fast (seriously, 30 seconds) and then you can use the balm to keep your lips from drying out. The balm has a nice thick consistency and also lasts a long time.  I have been wearing it for 5 hours and it is still staying put. A really lovely surprise for under 10 bucks. 

Madge from Palmolive would cry happy tears over this one

A kiss on the hand may be quite continental but old lady hands are never a girls best friend.  For anyone out there that hasn't read that old hands age you put your hand up. Any takers? Just as I thought. Crickets. This is a neglected appendage that is the last thing we think about with our days filled with combating wrinkles on our face and trying to get our asses back to the days when we knew the lyrics to Madonna's "Like a Virgin".

I do not have the magic solution but I have found a hand creme that deserves attention. It is L'Occitane Shea Butter Hand Creme and it is in two words simply divine.  It comes in a tube which looks incredibly chic so when you whip it out people are sure to think you are some kind of fabulous. (which of course you are) It smells yummy and a little goes a long way. It really makes a difference with your hands and they look marvy right away.  They have free standing stores but you can also buy it at the little slice of Heaven that we like to call Sephora.  Plus I have given this as a gift to several people and trust me, they are loving this hot mess for it!

It's like magic y'all

When it comes to information about concealer's I am like Kate Hudson between boyfriends, you know, desperate.  I really want to like concealer and everyone knows that I need concealer but I never felt like I could find one that didn't look like I was auditioning for a spot with the Ringling Brothers or as Baby Jane The Remake.  I have a drawer full of more rejects than John Mayer's booty calls. 

Around 4 months ago I bought a little set of Benefit products from Sephora. It came with generous samples of High Beam (love) and Posie Tint (check love again).  It also had a pot of Erase Paste which has the consistency of tile grout.  Yet I was curious because I had read a lot of positive reviews of this product. Guess what? It works. The trick is moderation.  And by moderation I mean the tiniest possible amount that you can apply.  What you want to do is apply your eye cream and let is set for a good five minutes.  Then take a DAB of this product and pat, pat, pat until it melts into your skin. When you first put it on you may be skeptical because it seems that the color won't match (I am on the fair side and I have the Erase Paste in medium) but give it a chance to set. It really settles in like a dream and doesn't look cakey or make the little lines become a big problem. Plus, one pot of this will last you a very long time. At least as long as Kate Hudson's next three relationships. (about a year all together)

It's like shooting fish in a barrell

Here is the thing. I subscribe to about 6 fashion magazines each month. Do I have a problem? Perhaps, but it is way cheaper than psychotherapy and it gives me a welcome diversion to what normally comes in my mailbox.  Because of this dirty little habit I am inundated with ads about the latest and greatest. I am ashamed to say I fall for it every flippin' time.  Have you ever thought about your bottom lashes? Does anyone? We obsess about our noses, our pores, our lips and hips, our hair, our feet etc but never once have I thought about my bottom lashes.  Until the February magazines started rolling in.

Ok, I was totally sucked into the gimmick that I needed my bottom lashes to be lush and I was certain this was what was keeping me from my supermodel status.  Clinique has come out with a mascara specifically for bottom lashes. Of course I had to have it.  I paid my 10.00 and tried it out. The only thing I can say is meh. It definitely covered my lower lashes but it just didn't jive with how I like to look. Maybe it is for a (dare I even say it?) younger type gal who wants a Twiggy type effect.  As for me, it kind of ran toward the end of the day so it added to my already dark circles that I have been sporting since 2001.  But if you feel the need to try it, go for it. Live the dream!

Marlo Thomas Eat Your Heart Out

So this very Wednesday morning I was getting ready for work and happened to walk by the full length mirror and catch a glimpse of my nearly naked self. Who was that? What was she doing with my head on her? Had it really come to this? Sadly it was me with my head attached and yes, it really had come to that. Deep breath, I still had to go to work. I had no choice....I needed camoflage and I needed it fast. I found my skinniest black pants and my highest purple shoes. I put on a long shirt. Still felt lousy. And chunky like I should be in the Husky section at Sears. What in the heck is a girl to do with just 10 minutes left to spare to make herself feel presentable?

The only thing that might have perked me up at that point would have been non invasive liposuction or hitting the lottery. Obviously this was not going to happen in the time that I had left so I went to my good friends at Benefit Cosmetics for a little help. They did not disappoint. I applied "That Gal" face brightening primer and boy did it lift this kids spirits to a whole new level. It is unlike any primer that I have tried. It looks like a funky pink right out of the tube but once it is blended it is like walking around with a soft pink light above your face all day. Your skin looks lit from within and it really does even out your complexion. It is magic in a tube and I didn't even need any foundation. You can build on it if you need a little extra perk during the day, it does not cake.  I will worry about my wobbly bits another day!

Turn on, Tune in and Lather Up

Ok, lets cut to the chase here. Amino Acid Shampoo....am I missing something? Why in the world would we want to put a product on our lovely brain bucket that has the words "amino" and "acid" in it? Just the thought of it doesn't conjure up images of luscious locks.  More like scary hair ala Donald Trump.

Amino Acid Shampoo from Kiehls has been around for ages and although the name is a little intimidating, this little bottle is simply amazing. I am a huge fragrance person and my shampoo better smell yummy.  This definitely does and leaves your hair Kardashian shiny.  It has coconut oil in it which must be the magic elixir for gorgeous hair. It has the perfect amount of lather and leaves your hair clean not scarecrow dry.  Kiehls  is a company who loves to sample you to death so if you are unsure, give them a call and ask for a sample. There are a handful of Kiehls stores around the country but they are also located in Neiman Marcus and Nordstrom. Check Neiman Marcus first as they often times have Gift With Purchase on Kiehls products.

Brooke Shields needs to talk to you and it isn't about her Latisse

Eyebrows......seriously, what is one to do? First we have fashion dictating that they need to be thin, then full, then thin and now it is one big grab bag. They actually have Rogaine for women who may have overplucked and need more fullness. Then we have the model above who has changed the game yet again. Her name (be ready for this) is Arizona Muse and she has eyebrows that rival Bert from Sesame Street (who my husband has named the Patron Saint of Unibrows).  She is everywhere lately and of course the fashion peeps LOVE her. And she gives us full brow girls hope, even though we held back for decades and believed every stupid article that having full brows makes us look younger. But how much brow is too much brow? We can't all be pulling it off like this desert rose.

After many years and not so subtle hints to pluck (you all know who you are and really how many times can you try and get me to the threading kiosk at the mall?) I think I have found a happy medium. This of course would be with my partner in crime and the one thing I cannot bear to be without, my Tweezerman Tweezers. What is so special about these super fab weapons of face scaping? They are nothing short of AWESOME. These little pieces of metal can grab even the smallest of hair and take you from muppet to Gwen Stefani is no time. The rule of thumb I have been following is to arch it above the pupil. It truly gives your face a lift.

Shu-be-dooby-do

Ok it may seem a bit silly to wax poetic about something as simple as an eyelash curler but I am here to tell you it is the real deal.  Shu Uemura has the most excellent eyelash curler available. It may seem a little pricey (just under 20 bucks) but believe me, it is worth every penny. On days where your peepers may not be up to full bright eyed glory, the power of a little curl makes a huge difference.

This eyelash curler grabs almost the whole upper row and does the job in one fell swoop. If you are having a day where you want to look demure but not made up, use this with a clear mascara. Put a little highlighter on your brow bone and you will be delightfully delovely with a wide eyed innocence not seen since right before you discovered that when Ricky Martin was wanting to go La Vida Loca he wasn't meaning he wanted to go all out nutty with a person of the opposite sex. (then again I found "She Bangs" offensive so Hasta La Vista Mr Ricky!)

The Good, The Bad and The Charlie

Sometimes I think about Martin Sheen and his boys,  Emilio Estevez and Charlie Sheen. I am curious, does Martin play favorites? Emilio seems like a stand up guy who probably never forgets Father's Day and  checks in once a week to see how things are going. Charlie, on the other hand, probably calls you for your birthday 5 months late from a brothel in Mexico wasted and stuffed up from too much blow. Of course it would seem that Emilio would be the family favorite based on lifestyle alone. But lets face it, Charlie seems like 100 times more fun and he could secure a private jet with his cash flow in case you want to go to Europe for some drunken debauchery.  If Martin were smart he would tell both of them secretly that he favored them so he would have the Sunday visits at the rest home and access to illicit shenanigans anytime his heart desires.

This is kind of how I feel about NAR's eyeshadows. They are all pretty rocking and some are more subtle than others. You really can't go wrong with any of their shadows as there is something for everyone and any event.  My current favorite is Kalahari and it is delightful. One side is bronze the other a plum brown. I have tried these colors on willing participants (I use the word willing rather loosely because I think some people just go with it to shut me up) and it looks great on everyone. You can blend both colors, use them alone or even use one in the crease with something fun like Daphne (NAR's purple single shadow) Kalahari is the perfect day eyeshadow duo and it is very dependable. Of course NAR's has some outrageous colors available for when you want to funk it up for something special.  But then again sometimes you just need to have someone visit you in the home and chill out and eat chips with. Kind of like Emilio.

L Ron Hubbard called, he wants his Orgasm back

Nothing has ever had a cult following quite like NARS Orgasm blush.  Obviously his marketing people are aware of this since they have made many derivatives of the original. Which brings us to this my little friends. NAR's Multiple in Orgasm. Yes, not for the faint of heart nor for women who like to keep their dirty in the bedroom. (you know who you are you little naughty vixens.) This is a blush like no other out there because you can use it for multiple things (No, not that. Get your head out of the gutter!)

Anyhow, it is a super emollient blush that you can blend down or build up. The best way to apply it is to put it on the apple's of your checks and blend away.  It gives you a lovely wash of color and a little sparkle but not too sparkly. It is the perfect peachy pink and says that it works on every type of complexion. I tried it out on several people and I have to agree.   Plus, if you need some color on your lips a dab will do you. They say that you can use it on your eyes but I don't recommend unless you are going for a hung over/pink eye vibe. Which if you are, good for you! Go with what is in your heart!

Sip and Go Naked

When I was in college I inherited a board game called "Sip and Go Naked". The object of the game was to remain sober and clothed.  This of course was a big hit with the dudes we hung out with. My Mother must have raised me right because I never showed up for a game without wearing granny panties, leggings, shorts, undershirt, t-shirt, sweatshirt, ear muffs, two pairs of socks and a hat. Inevitably at the end of the game everyone was nearly naked and drunk while I would be sitting back wearing the t-shirt, leggings and ear muffs.  BUT I would be drunk too.
Today we find the Holy Grail of eyeshadows.  It is the NAKED Palette by Urban Decay. It has 12 colors that are meant to be blended, worn alone or just admired.  This one little box of products has been so popular (like my neighbor with big boobs who played Sip and Go Naked rather badly, on purpose the bimbo) it is sold out pretty much everywhere. You can, however, put yourself on the waiting list at Sephora. Trust me, it is totally worth it.  It is the perfect combination of golds, bronze, peach and a little blue thrown in. You might not use all of the colors but the ones that you will use you will LOVE.  You can play around with the colors and blend or highlight as they all work well together. This is a definite must have for every makeup mama from coast to coast.

Fat baby with angel wings on the cover? Sign me up!

I have never been attracted to any kind of makeup line that seems holier than thou. Really, what's the point?  So when philosophy skincare came out several years ago I merely rolled my eyes. "Hope in a Jar"? "Miracle Worker"?? How about "When Hope is Not Enough"??? I was pretty sure that whoever they had writing copy over there had been previously employed writing the titles of Lifetime TV Movies. Don't even get me started on the cherub faced cuties on the cover. It is too much for this skeptical girl!

Skip ahead with a few rounds of Zoloft and a healthy dose of quit being such a cynic and I have stumbled upon a really fab cleanser from (drumroll please) philosophy called Purity. This has it all. It removes your makeup (even the lovely tarantula mascara) and leaves your skin feeling clean, not tight. I have noticed that it gives your skin a bit of a glow too. A little goes a long way so it is a good price point (8 oz for 20 big ones or even better 16 oz for 32) and it should last you several months.

Don't stand so close to me you tanorexic freak!

She take my money, well I'm in need
Yeah she's a triflin' friend indeed
Oh she's a gold digger way over time 
That digs on me




Feeling a little pale? Needing a wee bit of color in life? Tired of the same old peachy keen blush? Want to look like your vacation took you farther than your pocket book allows?  Back in the day being fair meant that you didn't have a job that required you to do manual labor, hence be out in the sun. Pale was in vogue until the day Coco Chanel made being tan oh so popular. (crazy bitch) What's a naturally alabaster girl to do? After many years of trying and channeling Oompa Loompa's I have found a lovely way to get a glow without looking like you ate too many carrots and rubbed your face in dirt. Benefit 10 works well on a pale face and gives you a natural sun kissed glow.  Use it with a blush brush and hit all of the points the sun would hit your noggin. 

Feeling the glee from snow, check me out!

Well since I am obviously not a ginger I think it's safe to say it isn't me. Also the last time I jumped off a huge mound of snow was NEVER. Even still I am living in a part of the country that is very chilly right now. With this wonderland comes something else. Is it the doctor? No. Is it the nurse? No. IT IS the lady with the alligator skin. (alligator purse is always acceptable. Scaly legs, not so much) This is taking a huge toll on my skin. Some things I have tried are Clinique's Body Butter, Kiehls Creme de corp and Lubriderm. They all did a marginal job but I kept reading articles about stylists who used Aquaphor. Yes, thats right Aquaphor  AND you can get it at Walgreen's, CVS and Target. It is rather greasy so I recommend using it at night. You can also use it on your pucker if you need a little shine.  Sometimes its the little things in life that make you happy like when Justin got in bed and his foot grazed my calf and said it was soft. It was a good thing because the week before he asked if I was wearing rough wooly socks. Hopefully this will give me decent looking gams in the spring.

Marica Kilgore almost ruined my life

Back in the day before children, mortgage and residing in the midwest I was a simple girl living in San Francisco. I was of the firm belief that if a body wash didn't cost almost as much as  my MUNI pass (at the time 35 big ones) then it couldn't even come near me or I would break out in snobby rash.  All of my body washes had to come from Bliss, a spa started in NYC by Marcia Kilgore. Flash forward several years and slumming it at the discount stores I thought I had found the solution. Marcia Kilgore had sold Bliss and  started a new company called Soap and Glory! The products were sold at Target and the body wash cleverly called "Clean on Me" was 9.99. Marcia understood that beauty didn't have to cost so much.  I was in heaven. It smelled great and I could wash my boys hair with it. It was lovely and we were happy for a few years. But then came the day when the rug was pulled out from under me. I went to pick up my stash and noticed they were marked down. That only means one thing in the cosmetic department at Target, DISCONTINUED. Marcia, once my friend and ally had screwed me over. I was frantic and ran through the store to customer service. The manager of course did not understand my panic and told me that they had no plans to continue with the line. Then I hit the Soap and Glory website. They said they had pulled out of Target but their products were still available in the UK!!! WTF?  I never liked Marcia Brady and now I hated Marcia Kilgore.

Back to square one. I looked and I tried and then I looked again. Finally after many months I believe that I have found what I am looking for. A tried and true American product, good old Johnson and Johnson. It is a light scent and leaves your skin feeling clean but not dried out.

Smoke 'em if you got 'em

If you are going to have smoky eyes, this is absolute perfection with a beautiful nude lip. The brows are gorgeous, her skin sun kissed and lips are exactly the way they should be. Her eye makeup is just a touch smoky, any more than what she has would have taken away from the whole ensemble.  Of course it doesn't hurt that her legs are look pretty marvy themselves.  Love the dress too. She is adorable!

It's like crack

Some people can say that they never drank before they met their partner and then they become full blown drunks. Some may say that they never used fabric softener and now cannot live without that extra soft feeling. In my house my husband is addicted to Rosebud Salve.  I have been buying it for years and use it for pretty much everything.  It works as a lip balm, can make your lids look shiny and also tames those scary Uncle Morty eyebrow hairs that look like they could reach out and grab someone. (you know, the wonky ones that are kind of curvy) If you use it on your lids you can add a light shimmery powder and it is straight up Diana Ross 1983.  My husband uses this every night on his lips and although he is not especially girly he turns into a cranky PMS 12 year old girl who just found out Justin Bieber is gay when we are out.  One tin of this lasts a long time so that rarely happens.

Rocky Raccoon 2.0

Rocky Raccoon checked into his room
Only to find Gideon's bible
Rocky had come equipped with a gun
To shoot off the legs of his rival


I am all for a smoky eye and on many occasions I believe I rocked it (really because I fell asleep without washing my face and was late for work so I pretended this is what I was going for but that is beside the point) In this case I am not liking it at all. Maybe it is because she doesn't even look like herself (its Quinn from Glee) but I am really thinking it has to do with her lipstick. I hate to seem old fashioned but if you are smoking the eyeballs out please, PLEASE do a nude lip.  The color she is wearing looks like it is from the Coty collection that my grandmothers friend Pearl always wore. When I say wore I mean she entirely missed her mouth and to describe how she did her eyeshadow is a whole new post. Thumbs down Dianna Agron and wash your face before you go to bed. 

The greatest love of all

Once upon a time I had a boyfriend who gave me the most wonderful gift of all. Was it diamonds? No, even better than that. It was a tube of Paloma Picasso lipstick. At the time (without dating myself but I am sure no one even remembers her having a line of makeup) she had just a small line of cosmetics. So small in fact that the lipstick only came in one color, red of course. I could not believe my luck, a boyfriend who buys you makeup, was I dreaming? It was too much to believe! In some ways it really was because he is now living with his boyfriend in Portland and their pug so all of the are dots connected but at the time I just really thought he liked fashion. And watching anything with Keanu Reeves in it.  Anyway, I had that lipstick for a whopping 2 weeks before I accidently washed it with the rest of my laundry. (my clothes looked like casualties from a slasher flick) It was a period of mourning like no other. I loved that lipstick so much that even still it brings a tear to my eye thinking about it. Flash forward several years and I am still looking for a replacement (for the lipstick, not the boyfriend although occassionally I remember how much fun he was at the Nordstrom Half Yearly sale). This has proved to be difficult and several contenders tried (NAR's Fire Down Below and Cruella, MAC Ruby Woo and Russian Red, Estee Lauder Hydra Lustre Lipstick in Rich Red, Loreal Penelope Cruz etc) but I have yet to find the perfect one. I will continue looking but the process is exhausting. The only thing comparable to this process is finding a bathing suit that makes your ass go back to the 8th grade, like a shelf before cellulite has made its introduction. But I will soldier on and as soon as I find it I will profess it to the world. Or this blog. Or really to my Aunt Barb who is my only follower. (Thanks Aunt B!)

I ain't no Kyle

Oh how I long to be Kyle from Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Ok, maybe not the wardrobe (a little too Versace circa 2002) but the hair. It is hair I imagine mine should be like. Long and lustrous, nary a split end to be seen. The kind of hair that tells those pesky grey hairs to get the hell out lest she kills it with a smoldering look ala the way she looks at Camille....ok I digress. I have found a wonderful product that unfortunately does not work miracles but certainly keeps your hair shiny and fly away free. It is Morrocan Hair Oil that I purchased from my hairdresser. Of course I had read about this fab product from all of the fashion mags but I thought it was just another buzz product that they all claim that they like but in reality they don't even know where to buy it. (Kiehls Lip Balm anyone?) Anyway, I tried it and I like it. Its not too heavy and you only need about a dime size (maybe more of you are a long haired hippie). It smells really great too.

Round heels

Ok, when you have a problem it is probably a good idea to admit it. (unless it is something very weird that will make others feel uncomfortable such as cross dressing or getting high off of Sharpie's) I am a makeup slut. It sounds harsh but it is true. I am not proud of it but like alcoholism or touching the door knob 27 times before leaving the house it is out of my control. Anyhow, back to the real subject and that subject is mascara. Like all of the whores before me I have tried them all. From Dior Show to Maybelline Great Lash the wasteland of tubes in the bottom of my bathroom drawer is vast. Because of this I have found that the best mascara is not always the most expensive one. My absolute favorite is Loreal Extra Volume Collegen Plumping Mascara. It is great for a light look with just one swipe or if you use a liquid liner you can build on it for a false lash look. The price is right and with the money saved you can splurge on another product.

Just Glow with it

Hello! This is my first post. Woo hoo. Basically I thought I would write this so that I can share some of my favorite purchases of skincare and makeup. Here is my latest and could be greatest find. I have been looking for something to make my skin look fresher, because trust me on this sweeties the Midwest may have all kinds of corn but it does zero for your skin. So as I was cruising Sephora online while at work I stumbled across this lovely product. Sometimes I think the reviews are written by people who work for the company (more on that later) but what I read seemed very sincere. I went ahead and ordered it and lo and behold it is the elixir of the gods. You only need one pump as a little goes a long way. Immediately I had a glow and it absorbed quickly. I used a regular moisterizer (with spf 15 of course, I am not delusional) and went on my merry way.  By the end of the day my skin still had a lovely glow. I am giving this a big thumbs up.