Brooke Shields needs to talk to you and it isn't about her Latisse

Eyebrows......seriously, what is one to do? First we have fashion dictating that they need to be thin, then full, then thin and now it is one big grab bag. They actually have Rogaine for women who may have overplucked and need more fullness. Then we have the model above who has changed the game yet again. Her name (be ready for this) is Arizona Muse and she has eyebrows that rival Bert from Sesame Street (who my husband has named the Patron Saint of Unibrows).  She is everywhere lately and of course the fashion peeps LOVE her. And she gives us full brow girls hope, even though we held back for decades and believed every stupid article that having full brows makes us look younger. But how much brow is too much brow? We can't all be pulling it off like this desert rose.

After many years and not so subtle hints to pluck (you all know who you are and really how many times can you try and get me to the threading kiosk at the mall?) I think I have found a happy medium. This of course would be with my partner in crime and the one thing I cannot bear to be without, my Tweezerman Tweezers. What is so special about these super fab weapons of face scaping? They are nothing short of AWESOME. These little pieces of metal can grab even the smallest of hair and take you from muppet to Gwen Stefani is no time. The rule of thumb I have been following is to arch it above the pupil. It truly gives your face a lift.

Shu-be-dooby-do

Ok it may seem a bit silly to wax poetic about something as simple as an eyelash curler but I am here to tell you it is the real deal.  Shu Uemura has the most excellent eyelash curler available. It may seem a little pricey (just under 20 bucks) but believe me, it is worth every penny. On days where your peepers may not be up to full bright eyed glory, the power of a little curl makes a huge difference.

This eyelash curler grabs almost the whole upper row and does the job in one fell swoop. If you are having a day where you want to look demure but not made up, use this with a clear mascara. Put a little highlighter on your brow bone and you will be delightfully delovely with a wide eyed innocence not seen since right before you discovered that when Ricky Martin was wanting to go La Vida Loca he wasn't meaning he wanted to go all out nutty with a person of the opposite sex. (then again I found "She Bangs" offensive so Hasta La Vista Mr Ricky!)

The Good, The Bad and The Charlie

Sometimes I think about Martin Sheen and his boys,  Emilio Estevez and Charlie Sheen. I am curious, does Martin play favorites? Emilio seems like a stand up guy who probably never forgets Father's Day and  checks in once a week to see how things are going. Charlie, on the other hand, probably calls you for your birthday 5 months late from a brothel in Mexico wasted and stuffed up from too much blow. Of course it would seem that Emilio would be the family favorite based on lifestyle alone. But lets face it, Charlie seems like 100 times more fun and he could secure a private jet with his cash flow in case you want to go to Europe for some drunken debauchery.  If Martin were smart he would tell both of them secretly that he favored them so he would have the Sunday visits at the rest home and access to illicit shenanigans anytime his heart desires.

This is kind of how I feel about NAR's eyeshadows. They are all pretty rocking and some are more subtle than others. You really can't go wrong with any of their shadows as there is something for everyone and any event.  My current favorite is Kalahari and it is delightful. One side is bronze the other a plum brown. I have tried these colors on willing participants (I use the word willing rather loosely because I think some people just go with it to shut me up) and it looks great on everyone. You can blend both colors, use them alone or even use one in the crease with something fun like Daphne (NAR's purple single shadow) Kalahari is the perfect day eyeshadow duo and it is very dependable. Of course NAR's has some outrageous colors available for when you want to funk it up for something special.  But then again sometimes you just need to have someone visit you in the home and chill out and eat chips with. Kind of like Emilio.

L Ron Hubbard called, he wants his Orgasm back

Nothing has ever had a cult following quite like NARS Orgasm blush.  Obviously his marketing people are aware of this since they have made many derivatives of the original. Which brings us to this my little friends. NAR's Multiple in Orgasm. Yes, not for the faint of heart nor for women who like to keep their dirty in the bedroom. (you know who you are you little naughty vixens.) This is a blush like no other out there because you can use it for multiple things (No, not that. Get your head out of the gutter!)

Anyhow, it is a super emollient blush that you can blend down or build up. The best way to apply it is to put it on the apple's of your checks and blend away.  It gives you a lovely wash of color and a little sparkle but not too sparkly. It is the perfect peachy pink and says that it works on every type of complexion. I tried it out on several people and I have to agree.   Plus, if you need some color on your lips a dab will do you. They say that you can use it on your eyes but I don't recommend unless you are going for a hung over/pink eye vibe. Which if you are, good for you! Go with what is in your heart!

Sip and Go Naked

When I was in college I inherited a board game called "Sip and Go Naked". The object of the game was to remain sober and clothed.  This of course was a big hit with the dudes we hung out with. My Mother must have raised me right because I never showed up for a game without wearing granny panties, leggings, shorts, undershirt, t-shirt, sweatshirt, ear muffs, two pairs of socks and a hat. Inevitably at the end of the game everyone was nearly naked and drunk while I would be sitting back wearing the t-shirt, leggings and ear muffs.  BUT I would be drunk too.
Today we find the Holy Grail of eyeshadows.  It is the NAKED Palette by Urban Decay. It has 12 colors that are meant to be blended, worn alone or just admired.  This one little box of products has been so popular (like my neighbor with big boobs who played Sip and Go Naked rather badly, on purpose the bimbo) it is sold out pretty much everywhere. You can, however, put yourself on the waiting list at Sephora. Trust me, it is totally worth it.  It is the perfect combination of golds, bronze, peach and a little blue thrown in. You might not use all of the colors but the ones that you will use you will LOVE.  You can play around with the colors and blend or highlight as they all work well together. This is a definite must have for every makeup mama from coast to coast.

Fat baby with angel wings on the cover? Sign me up!

I have never been attracted to any kind of makeup line that seems holier than thou. Really, what's the point?  So when philosophy skincare came out several years ago I merely rolled my eyes. "Hope in a Jar"? "Miracle Worker"?? How about "When Hope is Not Enough"??? I was pretty sure that whoever they had writing copy over there had been previously employed writing the titles of Lifetime TV Movies. Don't even get me started on the cherub faced cuties on the cover. It is too much for this skeptical girl!

Skip ahead with a few rounds of Zoloft and a healthy dose of quit being such a cynic and I have stumbled upon a really fab cleanser from (drumroll please) philosophy called Purity. This has it all. It removes your makeup (even the lovely tarantula mascara) and leaves your skin feeling clean, not tight. I have noticed that it gives your skin a bit of a glow too. A little goes a long way so it is a good price point (8 oz for 20 big ones or even better 16 oz for 32) and it should last you several months.

Don't stand so close to me you tanorexic freak!

She take my money, well I'm in need
Yeah she's a triflin' friend indeed
Oh she's a gold digger way over time 
That digs on me




Feeling a little pale? Needing a wee bit of color in life? Tired of the same old peachy keen blush? Want to look like your vacation took you farther than your pocket book allows?  Back in the day being fair meant that you didn't have a job that required you to do manual labor, hence be out in the sun. Pale was in vogue until the day Coco Chanel made being tan oh so popular. (crazy bitch) What's a naturally alabaster girl to do? After many years of trying and channeling Oompa Loompa's I have found a lovely way to get a glow without looking like you ate too many carrots and rubbed your face in dirt. Benefit 10 works well on a pale face and gives you a natural sun kissed glow.  Use it with a blush brush and hit all of the points the sun would hit your noggin. 

Feeling the glee from snow, check me out!

Well since I am obviously not a ginger I think it's safe to say it isn't me. Also the last time I jumped off a huge mound of snow was NEVER. Even still I am living in a part of the country that is very chilly right now. With this wonderland comes something else. Is it the doctor? No. Is it the nurse? No. IT IS the lady with the alligator skin. (alligator purse is always acceptable. Scaly legs, not so much) This is taking a huge toll on my skin. Some things I have tried are Clinique's Body Butter, Kiehls Creme de corp and Lubriderm. They all did a marginal job but I kept reading articles about stylists who used Aquaphor. Yes, thats right Aquaphor  AND you can get it at Walgreen's, CVS and Target. It is rather greasy so I recommend using it at night. You can also use it on your pucker if you need a little shine.  Sometimes its the little things in life that make you happy like when Justin got in bed and his foot grazed my calf and said it was soft. It was a good thing because the week before he asked if I was wearing rough wooly socks. Hopefully this will give me decent looking gams in the spring.

Marica Kilgore almost ruined my life

Back in the day before children, mortgage and residing in the midwest I was a simple girl living in San Francisco. I was of the firm belief that if a body wash didn't cost almost as much as  my MUNI pass (at the time 35 big ones) then it couldn't even come near me or I would break out in snobby rash.  All of my body washes had to come from Bliss, a spa started in NYC by Marcia Kilgore. Flash forward several years and slumming it at the discount stores I thought I had found the solution. Marcia Kilgore had sold Bliss and  started a new company called Soap and Glory! The products were sold at Target and the body wash cleverly called "Clean on Me" was 9.99. Marcia understood that beauty didn't have to cost so much.  I was in heaven. It smelled great and I could wash my boys hair with it. It was lovely and we were happy for a few years. But then came the day when the rug was pulled out from under me. I went to pick up my stash and noticed they were marked down. That only means one thing in the cosmetic department at Target, DISCONTINUED. Marcia, once my friend and ally had screwed me over. I was frantic and ran through the store to customer service. The manager of course did not understand my panic and told me that they had no plans to continue with the line. Then I hit the Soap and Glory website. They said they had pulled out of Target but their products were still available in the UK!!! WTF?  I never liked Marcia Brady and now I hated Marcia Kilgore.

Back to square one. I looked and I tried and then I looked again. Finally after many months I believe that I have found what I am looking for. A tried and true American product, good old Johnson and Johnson. It is a light scent and leaves your skin feeling clean but not dried out.

Smoke 'em if you got 'em

If you are going to have smoky eyes, this is absolute perfection with a beautiful nude lip. The brows are gorgeous, her skin sun kissed and lips are exactly the way they should be. Her eye makeup is just a touch smoky, any more than what she has would have taken away from the whole ensemble.  Of course it doesn't hurt that her legs are look pretty marvy themselves.  Love the dress too. She is adorable!

It's like crack

Some people can say that they never drank before they met their partner and then they become full blown drunks. Some may say that they never used fabric softener and now cannot live without that extra soft feeling. In my house my husband is addicted to Rosebud Salve.  I have been buying it for years and use it for pretty much everything.  It works as a lip balm, can make your lids look shiny and also tames those scary Uncle Morty eyebrow hairs that look like they could reach out and grab someone. (you know, the wonky ones that are kind of curvy) If you use it on your lids you can add a light shimmery powder and it is straight up Diana Ross 1983.  My husband uses this every night on his lips and although he is not especially girly he turns into a cranky PMS 12 year old girl who just found out Justin Bieber is gay when we are out.  One tin of this lasts a long time so that rarely happens.

Rocky Raccoon 2.0

Rocky Raccoon checked into his room
Only to find Gideon's bible
Rocky had come equipped with a gun
To shoot off the legs of his rival


I am all for a smoky eye and on many occasions I believe I rocked it (really because I fell asleep without washing my face and was late for work so I pretended this is what I was going for but that is beside the point) In this case I am not liking it at all. Maybe it is because she doesn't even look like herself (its Quinn from Glee) but I am really thinking it has to do with her lipstick. I hate to seem old fashioned but if you are smoking the eyeballs out please, PLEASE do a nude lip.  The color she is wearing looks like it is from the Coty collection that my grandmothers friend Pearl always wore. When I say wore I mean she entirely missed her mouth and to describe how she did her eyeshadow is a whole new post. Thumbs down Dianna Agron and wash your face before you go to bed. 

The greatest love of all

Once upon a time I had a boyfriend who gave me the most wonderful gift of all. Was it diamonds? No, even better than that. It was a tube of Paloma Picasso lipstick. At the time (without dating myself but I am sure no one even remembers her having a line of makeup) she had just a small line of cosmetics. So small in fact that the lipstick only came in one color, red of course. I could not believe my luck, a boyfriend who buys you makeup, was I dreaming? It was too much to believe! In some ways it really was because he is now living with his boyfriend in Portland and their pug so all of the are dots connected but at the time I just really thought he liked fashion. And watching anything with Keanu Reeves in it.  Anyway, I had that lipstick for a whopping 2 weeks before I accidently washed it with the rest of my laundry. (my clothes looked like casualties from a slasher flick) It was a period of mourning like no other. I loved that lipstick so much that even still it brings a tear to my eye thinking about it. Flash forward several years and I am still looking for a replacement (for the lipstick, not the boyfriend although occassionally I remember how much fun he was at the Nordstrom Half Yearly sale). This has proved to be difficult and several contenders tried (NAR's Fire Down Below and Cruella, MAC Ruby Woo and Russian Red, Estee Lauder Hydra Lustre Lipstick in Rich Red, Loreal Penelope Cruz etc) but I have yet to find the perfect one. I will continue looking but the process is exhausting. The only thing comparable to this process is finding a bathing suit that makes your ass go back to the 8th grade, like a shelf before cellulite has made its introduction. But I will soldier on and as soon as I find it I will profess it to the world. Or this blog. Or really to my Aunt Barb who is my only follower. (Thanks Aunt B!)

I ain't no Kyle

Oh how I long to be Kyle from Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Ok, maybe not the wardrobe (a little too Versace circa 2002) but the hair. It is hair I imagine mine should be like. Long and lustrous, nary a split end to be seen. The kind of hair that tells those pesky grey hairs to get the hell out lest she kills it with a smoldering look ala the way she looks at Camille....ok I digress. I have found a wonderful product that unfortunately does not work miracles but certainly keeps your hair shiny and fly away free. It is Morrocan Hair Oil that I purchased from my hairdresser. Of course I had read about this fab product from all of the fashion mags but I thought it was just another buzz product that they all claim that they like but in reality they don't even know where to buy it. (Kiehls Lip Balm anyone?) Anyway, I tried it and I like it. Its not too heavy and you only need about a dime size (maybe more of you are a long haired hippie). It smells really great too.

Round heels

Ok, when you have a problem it is probably a good idea to admit it. (unless it is something very weird that will make others feel uncomfortable such as cross dressing or getting high off of Sharpie's) I am a makeup slut. It sounds harsh but it is true. I am not proud of it but like alcoholism or touching the door knob 27 times before leaving the house it is out of my control. Anyhow, back to the real subject and that subject is mascara. Like all of the whores before me I have tried them all. From Dior Show to Maybelline Great Lash the wasteland of tubes in the bottom of my bathroom drawer is vast. Because of this I have found that the best mascara is not always the most expensive one. My absolute favorite is Loreal Extra Volume Collegen Plumping Mascara. It is great for a light look with just one swipe or if you use a liquid liner you can build on it for a false lash look. The price is right and with the money saved you can splurge on another product.

Just Glow with it

Hello! This is my first post. Woo hoo. Basically I thought I would write this so that I can share some of my favorite purchases of skincare and makeup. Here is my latest and could be greatest find. I have been looking for something to make my skin look fresher, because trust me on this sweeties the Midwest may have all kinds of corn but it does zero for your skin. So as I was cruising Sephora online while at work I stumbled across this lovely product. Sometimes I think the reviews are written by people who work for the company (more on that later) but what I read seemed very sincere. I went ahead and ordered it and lo and behold it is the elixir of the gods. You only need one pump as a little goes a long way. Immediately I had a glow and it absorbed quickly. I used a regular moisterizer (with spf 15 of course, I am not delusional) and went on my merry way.  By the end of the day my skin still had a lovely glow. I am giving this a big thumbs up.