Gobble until you wobble: the true story of a girl, her turkey neck and her goal to diminish it

We all have things that we have inherited. Sometimes its an object, sometimes its eye color, hopefully its property in a warm climate.  I have inherited many lovely things from relatives including pearls, a Prince Charles/Princess Diana ashtray and of course my discernible eye which gives me the super hero ability to tell who has a clean kitchen when offices have potlucks. (trust me on this, it has been proven over and over again.) I am grateful for all of these things but one not so wonderful thing that has been passed down is the turkey neck. Its already started and we all know how its going to end. Not well my friend, not well.
I have been searching far and wide for a non invasive solution to combat the droop.  Quite a few have been bought and applied but nothing had even made a dent (pun intended). Finally I thought I would try my friends at Kiehls to see what they had available. I found the most remarkable moisturizer and I believe that you can see a difference. It is Kiehls Cryste Marine "Ultra Riche" Lifting and Firming Cream.

After a week or two things are looking firmer and it is a great moisturizer for the cold winter. It is a luxurious splurge at 54.00 a jar but worth every penny. My skin has a glow and feels great. The best place to buy Kiehls is at www.kiehls.com because they are very liberal with the samples so you get quite a few things to try when your order arrives. Neiman Marcus will quite often have gift with purchase on Kiehls products so be sure to check there before you order. Nordstroms carries it too! 

The Vampire Diaries

Here is the sweet and lowdown: I went to the dermatologist for my yearly skin cancer check and the PA (who looks surprisingly like Gretchen from Real Housewives of Orange County) said "You know what you would love? We could laser your face and get rid of all of the sun damage." (As I am writing this it sounds like it would hurt but at the time I was just thinking "sweet bird of youth, give me some love") So naturally I said "Can we do it today and do you take Visa?" (no and yes) They scheduled me for a consult (blah,blah,blah) and then a few weeks later there I was lying down on the chaise lounge getting my face zapped while wearing some kind of blindfold. I was pretty sure the water boarding would commence as the torture was very real and I thought I heard Dick Cheney in the background giving the go ahead. It was what I imagine being tasered in the face would feel like. When I left the interrogation room I looked in the mirror and my face looked like it had been slapped repeatedly.  Skip ahead several days and all of my freckles turned dark and started disappearing.  What turned out was brand new skin with nary a freckle. Was it worth the pain? Heck yeah! Now the real problem is finding a lovely sunscreen that can keep me from returning to Sissy Spacek and maintaining the Dita Von Teese.

Now, I have read all of the hubbub about Peter Thomas Roth products but there are only so many hours in a day to get to everything. I wanted  light weight moisture with really good coverage. Its not as easy as one might think because some make your face feel quite sticky, take a long time to absorb (leaving a gross white residue, hello Neutrogena!) or kind of make your face feel sensitive because of the chemicals that block the sun. I received a sample of this PTR Max Sheer All Day Defense Lotion from my dealer and fell in love. It is super light weight and is not sticky at all. I have worn it through several soccer practices and have not seen a return of the sun spots. It can take a bit to soak in but once its done, you are good to go. Its a little pricey but I think its worth the cost (42 dollars) You can find it at Sephora, skinstore.com, Macys and amazon.com.

It's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all

Nah, that is really a bunch of b.s. but when you do find something that you love it can really put you over the edge when it is discontinued.  Cosmetic companies do it all the time for reasons unknown. I sometimes imagine that it is a bunch of mean girls who have lost that high school power and in order to have their "burn book" back, they take away the things that we love. This happened with Laura Mercier and her original Purifying Rich Oil Cleanser which was my absolute favorite until they took it off the market. Why, why, why? To hurt me of course.  Anyhow, they have a newer version.

The newer incarnation of the original is the Flawless Face Purifying Cleanser. I avoided buying this for a long time because of my one woman protest against the powers that be but in a moment of weakness (ok, it was a moment of Dos Equis with some internet involved) I went ahead and ordered it.  I was skeptical at first because it was not as rich as the original but color me surprised, I like it. It is light but it still leaves your skin with a dewy glow. All of my makeup is easily removed and a little goes a long way. It washes off clean so don't let the oil scare you. The price is a tad high (40 dollars) but you only use a few pumps each time so I am thinking it will last a couple of months. It is a treat for your skin so it is worth it. There are Laura Mercier counters in major department stores but Neiman Marcus always seems to be running a gift with purchase so check there first. Saks and Sephora online carry it too.

Does size really matter?

Quite the loaded question don't you think? Bigger sizes definitely matter when it comes to diamonds, closet space and things that can't be mentioned in mixed company. I have always thought bigger was better (except when your ass is too big to even fit in your fat jeans) but color me wrong in this instance. I recently bought the biggest mascara I have ever seen in my life. It is from Too Faced and it is called Size Queen.  The girl who sold it told me used words like you could "shank someone with it" and your eyelashes "will be so big that people in Illinois will see you coming." Of course I had to have it! A weapon and being the Kim Kardashian eyelash double of the Midwest, total win win. Then I brought it home.

I loved the look of it. I loved pulling it out of my makeup bag like I was some super cool ninja makeup mama with the Holy Grail. It looked legit but I just could not handle it. It really is just too damn big! I am not nimble enough to manage it or my eyes are just too small but that mother f&*^%$ was just not doing what I wanted. Yes, it did grab a lot of lashes but it was a messy experience.  Once I finally got it on (and removing the Courtney Love makeup marks were all over my face) I tried it for a few days. Not a fan. Super flaky and didn't have any longevity.  Size does matter but in this case I was not up to the challenge and clearly not cut out to be a Size Queen makeup Jedi Master.

Snow White Complex (not the one that likes short dudes)

Ok, here's the details. Once upon a time many moons ago this girl had dark hair. At around age 20 my hair started to betray me by (I write this with tears in my eyes) going gray. We went to counseling, sought individual plucking seminars, tried blonde highlights and then finally while being both mentally and physically exhausted actually came to the point where I thought I should just let it do what it had to do. I am proud of those 7 hours that I spent allowing it and look at is as a big moment of personal and spiritual growth. Of course in between these bouts of insanity I would dye it back to its original color just so I could remember the good old days of raven like locks. Now I am on a strict program of having it done professionally but those pesky grays come back like Lindsay Lohan goes to court, like all the time!

People let me introduce you to my best friend that I discovered while perusing the drug store aisles.  It is John Frieda Brilliant Brunette Liquid Shine Color Glaze. This little miracle, or as I like to call it St Frieda the Patron Saint of Lost Color, is the best kept secret in the hair section. You put it on for 3 minutes in the shower after washing and conditioning. It adds depth and super shine to dark hair and also makes your salon color last even longer. The price is right as it is under 10 bucks. You can find it at CVS, Walgreens and Target. Make sure you wear sunglasses when you leave the house after using. The glare of your fabulously glossy hair might be too bright for your peepers.

Tom Hanks and his love for Wilson

Remember that movie where Tom Hanks gets stranded on an island with a ball named Wilson? He really loved that ball and in some deleted scenes I am pretty sure their relationship was not totally platonic.  I ate a jelly sandwich when I saw it because:
A. His highlights were amazing
B. He had an awesome golden tan
C. He was obviously getting the exfoliation of his life with all that sand
D. He drank coconut water which although I think tastes disgusting seems to be all the rage in Hollywood so lets face it, homeboy started a trend. And look how much weight he lost!
E. When he finally had to leave the amazing spa vacation he came back to Helen Hunt and found that she had moved on. Dodged that bullet because she always seemed like a bitch to me. (I know its a movie but still!)

This is an amazing mascara by Too Faced called Lashgasm. It is so fabulous that even my 8 year old said that my lashes looked like a spider which was exactly what I wanted. It takes your old stubby lashes and makes them long and glossy much like a strip of fake lashes. It was so good that I even skipped the liner. Who needs it when your lashes arrive 3 seconds before the rest of you? I am pretty sure I have found my own personal Wilson. If I was ever stranded on an island this would be number two product. I mean get real, my number one would obviously be something with SPF 1000. I may long to look tan but it isn't going to happen with this Irish girl. You can find this lovely product at Ulta, Sephora and amazon.com. 

Fellini is on line one

That's right people. Fellini's "La Dolce Vita" may be one of the best films ever.  He was a genius. Yeah him. Woo hoo. Party up. But lets really get down to business shall we? There is a new Dolce Vita in town and we need to give it the kudos that it deserves.

 NAR's Dolce Vita lip gloss (just writing the words is putting tears in my eyes) is hands down the best gloss I have ever tried. It has the perfect consistency, not sticky and has no smell. I had tried NAR's Bad Education gloss about a year ago and it definitely did not rock my word. Mostly because the smell made me sick but also the color turned weird on me. BUT, this gloss is the wind beneath my wings. It adds just a touch of rosy color and has enough shine to make you feel glam. It is perfect for day but with a smoky eye it would transition to night quite easily. Check it out. Its available at Neiman's, Sephora, Barney's, Nordstroms and Saks. You can also find at narscosmetics.com