Pucker Up for a Sucker Punch Girls!

Ok so a funny thing happened to me the other day. My dealer, Jackie (that's right beyotch I am calling you out on your real name, the name your mama gave you) happened to give me a tube of this amazing Lip Varnish by Buxom. Now I know that I am quite the Negative Nancy about anything affiliated with Bare Essentials (who apparently own this line) merely because everyone who LOVES Bare Essentials LOVES them so much it is straight up creepy kool-aid drinking kind of crazy.

Anyhow, being the basic makeup whore that I am, I gladly took the pencil before she had second thoughts and greedily put it in my bag.

Flash forward 3 hours, (did I mention the words makeup whore) I tried it on and guess what? Simply sublime. It goes on with a lovely coverage and the perfect amount of shine. It also has a tingle which is supposedly supposed to make your lips fuller but it just felt really nice. After wearing it for a couple of hours (ok, overnight I might have had a few) I woke up and went to IHOP and guess what? A beautiful stain was still on my lips. I am sold and love this stuff. I am registering to marry myself so look for my registry on Sephora so I can get every color. That's right. MYSELF. I am married but I only got the china for my Mom and whatever State dinner might happen at my house.

A Bliss on the hand may be quite continental, but diamonds are a girls best friend!

Oh Bliss! How I love your products so. You are my weakness and you had me at hello. You are like a lovely bottle of Johnny Walker Black, too much money for this little church mouse but sometimes you just got to go for it and pamper yourself. Sounding like a L'Oreal ad so lets move on. 

In this case it wasn't too much of a stretch because they are discontinuing their line of Bliss products at our little Sephora here in Lincoln, Nebraska.  The prices were so low I do believe I blacked out for a moment because when I came to I was sitting on the floor staring at all of the cheap loot. Prior to this I yelled out "WTF? 6 bucks for a bottle that is normally in the mid 30's!"  Anyhow, I bought Super Slough from Bliss I am feeling like I won a trifecta at the Blarney Stone in Reno. (not very high class but still like I am a bit of a champ or something). It smells simply divine and it really gets those back arm bumps (what in the hell are those anyway?). It also gives a great lather so you feel smooth and squeaky clean. I have denied access to it for everyone else in my abode since I need it to last. Mama ain't rich y'all! Try it, buy it and invite me over. When I use your bathroom and leave quickly rest assured that I probably smuggled a little out for myself. I mean really, isn't that what friends are for? 

Like Rachel Zoe is to MAC's Chili Lipstick

I one day want to be affiliated with a certain lip color.  But as we all know (some more than others) I am a makeup slut so that ain't happening anytime soon.  I just fall in love too easy and am addicted to trying new things. (get your head out of the gutter!!!)

About 4 months ago my lovely mother had a birthday and being the pushy broad that I am I bought her some makeup.  I had read good things about NAR's Gipsy lipstick and thought, what the heck, everyone needs to try something new.  I sent it to her and then immediately forgot about it. She was visiting a couple weeks ago and said "this is the lipstick you got me, what do you think?" It was beautiful! A very sheer berry color that can go from day to night.  Of course I ran out to get it for myself just to be sure my eyes weren't deceiving me. True enough, it looked nice on me too. I need to test it out on a few more people but I think it may be one of those magical colors that looks good on everyone.   Plus as of now this is my signature lipstick. Look out Rachel Zoe, I am on your tail. Your very skinny and tan tail. 

Clearly They Were Not Referring To My Boobs.......

when they named this product. Because if my boobs were being questioned as being fake they would obviously be bigger and not the fried eggs that I am sporting currently.  If the option were available I certainly wouldn't go overboard. Maybe like a full "B" cup. Nothing crazy, just a little something something if you know what I mean.

Ok, I digress.  I have always been a big advocate of buying drugstore mascara as I thought they were on par with the major lines such as Lancome and Dior.  Recently I had to replenish some stock and received a sample of Benefit Cosmetics "They're Real" from Sephora.  I am in love!  This mascara has a brush that is totally amazeballs and it really grabs every little lash.  The mascara is smudge/budge proof which is helpful in the humidity. It is a thicker formula than I am used to but it really makes your lashes fat and full but calorie free.  It retails for 22.00 and is available at Sephora and at benefitcosmetics.com. 

Black Eyed Susan Your Ship has Sailed

Oh eyeliner! How I love you so. You have been there through so many times in my life where I could just pretend that I was going for the smoky look when in fact I was so hungover that I passed out without washing my face.  Unfortunately we have come to the portion of life where that no longer looks edgy, rather it is kind of a Tammy Fay Baker. Sad, sad clown. Definitely in need of a sophisticated liner and some Intervention. 

Anyhow, I was in mad search of an excellent eyeliner that would stay in place because of my excessive use of under eye cream (yes, I do believe that I can fight the good fight) and ease in crying about pretty much anything. Show of hands of people that have seen me cry? Ok, you can put them down now.  I consulted my dealer (my dear friend Jackie who works at Sephora) and took her advice.  I believe that I have found the Holy Grail of eyeliners. It is Urban Decay 24/7 Eyeliner which runs about 18 bucks a pop. You can buy it at Sephora, numerous places online or in several department stores.  Jeepers creepers, my peepers stayed lined through the entire day without a budge.  In fact, I laughed so hard that I cried and it still hung in there. I bought the basic black but I do believe I may have to go out and try some other colors. 

Like sand through the hourglass, so is the scrub of your life

I recently had a humongous bout of depression when I realized that I could not afford the Clarisonic Pro super duper scrubber that Sephora keeps cruelly promoting in a way that makes me want to go all Patty Hearst on their ass and get me some cash so that I too can partake in the marvy scrub of my life. I mean really, the price has dropped a bit but last I looked it was about 160ish.  I did what any down and out poor person addicted to makeup does in these situations, I headed to Target. At first I thought I would go with the Oil of Olay knock off scrubber for 29.99 but then I noticed the Booth section and thought, what do I have to lose? 

 I have been intrigued by the Boots line for a while (my sister raved about the eyeliner which I tried, not so hot in my book) but  I thought I would throw caution to the wind and use up the 16.00 dollars I had in checking account to try out their No 7 Micro Dermabrasion Exfoliator for a mere 14.99. Let me tell you something, this is some awesome stuff. A little dime size is all you need to get the effects of this product. The scrubbers remind me of the super fine sand you find on the nicer beaches.  I scrubbed a dub dub and the results were outstanding. My skin was super soft and it definitely gave me a glow.  It made me feel super clean and there was no tacky residue.  Check it out if you need a fresh start and are wanting a good deal. Or feeling depressed, I am telling you it is better than Zoloft.

A Wink And A Smile

A few years ago (actually more than I care to remember) I was living in San Francisco and answered an ad to work in cosmetics.  I was intrigued because I had never worked in that field and I thought, why the heck not? Well I got "the call" from Benefit Cosmetics, a SF based makeup company, and went to a little office off of Pine St.  I was totally unqualified since I had never sold makeup before but they were about the coolest people I have met. The vibe was very laid back and fun. I didn't get the job (one of the saddest days of my life) but I immediately beelined to Macy's to check out their stuff. I tried "Dr Feelgood" first and like a heroin addict, I have been chasing the dragon ever since.

If you are looking for an eyeshadow that sticks with you like carbs on my thighs, this is the one for you. Benefit Creaseless Cream/Shadow Liner is the best cream shadow available. You can use it on its own or as a primer under your favorite shadow. They have 11 colors but for everyday I have been using r.s.v.p. which is a sparkling champagne color.  It is 19.00 a pop but it will last you a very long time so it is worth the splurge.  You can find the line at Sephora, Macy's and they have some free standing stores mostly on East and West Coasts.